Could It Have Been Different?


We’ll never know

Photo by Callum Shaw on Unsplash

I don’t live with much regret in my life. A very long time ago, I was handed a lesson from The Universe about letting go of past regrets and future anxieties. A lesson that sharply brought home the message that I was NOT in charge.

But, I had made choices in my past and would make choices in my future that would resonate with repercussions. And I was in charge of making those choices.

So it wasn’t all just destiny. Or was it?

Whenever I ponder my life, I try very hard to do so with compassion. Would I have made different choices? Followed a different path? Would knowing then what I know now change those decisions? What might I have experienced? Where might I have landed?

Deep questions that usually come to me when I close my eyes and attempt to turn off my brain for the night. The compassion and grace I give myself for the decisions made and the path taken interrupt my thoughts. And I know — I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

I realize that my yesterday choices and my today decisions were/are all made from a place of authenticity. I may not have made the same choices today that I did in my yesterdays, however, I am not the same person as I was in those yesterdays.

We grow. We mature. We decompensate. We stress. Every interaction and circumstance we encounter imprints upon us. Some leave trauma in their wake, others fill us with joy. But make no mistake, they all shape the daily choices we make.

In hindsight, I see that the decisions I made in my yesterday were always the right ones. They were the right ones for the person I was at the time, even if today I would not have taken those particular paths.

And I have my yoga and meditation practice to thank for this insight.

Mindfulness, as a practice, doesn’t just invite us to be kind and compassionate to All. The. Other. Beings. Mindfulness invites us to put our names on that list of those we bless. In Metta, we offer up blessings to strangers, enemies, friends, family, and to all creatures— everywhere, and then we offer the same feelings of love, inclusiveness, forgiveness, and peace to ourselves.

We are also a part of the collective life force that lives on Gaia. And that is sometimes something we forget in our busy lives. We allow regret or fear to pull us away from who we are right now, in this place, and at this time. We cannot change the past, nor foresee the future consequences of our decisions made in our Now. But we can be present with who we are right now, in this place and at this time. By doing so, we come to understand that we are exactly who we are supposed to be, in this pace and at this time.

It could not have been different.