“Put yourself first and everything else will align.” ~Lucille Ball
At the age of twenty-six, I faced my first episode of burnout. I was thriving in my British career, operating at top performance, only to find myself back at my parents’ house, sobbing in my mother’s vehicle after taking a work hiatus. I couldn’t comprehend how I ended up there.
Burnout encompasses more than just exhaustion from excessive work. It represents a condition of physical, mental, and emotional depletion from extending oneself too far for an extended period.
When we finally stop, often due to unavoidable circumstances, puzzling symptoms arise. We may feel overwhelmed and out of control, as if we’re losing our sanity. That was my reality at twenty-six, right at the moment I believed I should be excelling.
To clarify, I was overseeing several boutique fitness studios in London under a demanding boss whose erratic moods influenced the entire workplace. While I wasn’t a frequent partygoer, I still pushed myself hard, socializing on the weekends and fulfilling work-related obligations throughout the week.
Burnout insidiously took hold: crying often over minor issues, gaining weight despite regular workouts, a constant inability to quiet my thoughts, and ongoing feelings of being overwhelmed by emotions I could not grasp.
Burnout manifests uniquely for each individual, and many of us endure a chronic, unnoticed variant until it disturbs our well-being.
Initially, I assumed my burnout resulted from long hours and stress. However, as time passed, I unearthed deeper, less-obvious sources behind my experience.
Let’s examine three subtle factors contributing to burnout that are frequently ignored.
**The Unseen Pressure to Validate Your Value**
Over the last decade, I’ve come to realize that I’ve consistently felt pressured to prove my worth, never entirely confident in myself, affecting my self-esteem.
I’m not the only one. Many of us grapple with self-confidence and validation, striving to affirm our value to employers, family, partners, and society.
In my younger years, I was unaware of this dynamic. I recognized my strong work ethic and desire to meet expectations but didn’t connect it to needing to validate myself.
I now understand that many of us carry a deep-seated wound around self-worth, including those who appear most confident, necessitating work on embracing and loving ourselves as we are.
Nonetheless, if we remain oblivious to our internal drives, we might rush through life unaware of what truly motivates our behaviors. My lack of confidence led me to constantly seek my boss’s approval, causing me to lose touch with my own needs and aspirations.
I dreaded her disapproval, felt anxious missing her calls, or delaying my responses to emails. I perpetually anticipated her demands, criticizing myself for mistakes.
The tipping point came when I had to leave work early, annoying her, to join my mom for a mother-daughter photoshoot, something I dreaded amidst my stressed-out state.
I recall crying on the subway, unable to stop even as a sympathetic makeup artist attempted to address my swollen eyes. I wanted to avoid disappointing anyone, yet it felt crushing.
That’s when I understood that burnout isn’t just about physical overexertion. It emerges from the emotional strain we impose on ourselves to meet expectations, keep others satisfied, and prove our value to those we believe must be impressed.
Only by prioritizing our well-being over productivity can we begin to recognize how our craving for validation drives us and tackle its core issue.
**Why Burnout Persists in the Absence of Boundaries**
My boss capitalized on my need to prove myself.
At that time, I didn’t even grasp the concept of boundaries. I aspired to please everyone, multitasking and stretching myself too thin.
We learn that being selfish is wrong, that we shouldn’t decline requests, and that we must prioritize others’ needs, but what’s the toll? Often, it strips us of our happiness and well-being.
Boundaries stretch beyond the physical; they also encompass mental and emotional facets.
Even after shutting my computer, thoughts about the next day’s meeting lingered. Leaving the office didn’t ease my anxiety about potentially overlooking a crucial email.
Each morning, anxiety washed over me as I prepared for work, fearing errors or oversights. My mind couldn’t switch off.