“Anxiety is a reaction of a nervous system that learned from the beginning that it must defend itself.” ~Dr. Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Anxiety has profoundly influenced my life—shaping my actions, self-image, and connections with others. For many years, I didn’t grasp its true essence, only recognizing the rapid heartbeat, constricted chest, and trembling hands. Each “failure” filled me with shame, and I dreaded that I would never be good enough.
For quite a while, I thought I was the problem. However, anxiety is not a moral shortcoming but a defense mechanism developed in settings where emotional needs went unmet, clouded by fear and shame.
Origins
My anxiety roots back to my childhood.
In the first grade, I returned home with a report card indicating I was seventh in my class. Unaware of its implications, I excitedly shared this with my father. His severe response—anger rather than praise—left me shocked. As a child, I concluded I was only worthy of love if I succeeded.
The following semester, I achieved third place, receiving momentary acknowledgment from my father but quickly succumbing to the fear of not keeping that rank. This initiated a lifelong belief that I was never “sufficient.”
This cycle continued, appearing in unexpected moments. As an adult, I felt paralyzed by anxiety during minor activities like refueling my motorbike, a reaction connected to childhood instances of my father’s impatience at the gas station. Reflecting as an adult, I understood his intentions were good, yet my nervous system reacted as if I were reliving those moments.
Years later, unprocessed anxiety remained within my body.
The Climax
As I entered adulthood, I carried this unresolved anxiety. At five weeks pregnant, I experienced the devastating loss of my partner, leaving me in mourning and financial turmoil.
I needed to face deeply suppressed emotions, brought on by grief, financial instability, and the prospect of motherhood.
During this period, I discovered techniques to regain my calm and cope with escalating anxiety.
10 Strategies That Help Me Prevent and Manage Anxiety
*Note: These strategies are additional, not substitutes for therapy or medication. They aim to restore equilibrium and safety.*
1. **Gratitude Shift** – I confront anxiety with appreciation, seeing it as a protective alert system. I acknowledge it and examine its message, background, and helpful actions.
2. **Slow Down** – Simplifying life minimized distractions, enabling greater self-awareness. I eliminated unnecessary commitments and diversions to tackle anxiety’s origins.
3. **Quiet Observation** – Noticing recurring memories helped uncover anxiety’s source. I utilized fasting for clarity when therapy was unmanageable, setting goals to uncover and release anxiety triggers.
4. **Recognize Shock** – Identifying shock assisted in halting spirals as it frequently obscured deeper emotions linked to childhood experiences.
5. **Detailed Writing** – Documenting triggering events and associated feelings candidly aids in releasing accumulated trauma.
6. **Grieving** – Accepting grief for unmet needs through music supports emotional processing.
7. **Naming Needs** – Acknowledging unmet needs clarifies priorities, empowering adult communication and healing.
8. **Parental Context** – Understanding my parents’ constraints provided perspective, lessening resentment and disrupting cycles.
9. **Worst-case Scenarios** – Addressing worst fears realistically diminishes their power, aiding future planning.
10. **Action and Support** – Identifying proactive measures and potential support fosters a sense of control and alleviates feelings of helplessness.
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Anxiety remains an integral part of my existence. Tackling its spiral requires continuous emotional mastery efforts, ultimately benefiting my child. Though healing is not linear and there are tougher days, these practices cultivate safety, agency, and peace.
About Sri Purna Widari
Sri Purna Widari writes and advocates on topics pertinent to solo motherhood, children with special needs, environmental issues, and trauma healing. She offers practical tools for managing anxiety and grief. Connect on [Instagram here](https://www.instagram.com/anchorwith