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\u201cShow kindness, for every person you encounter is facing a tough struggle.\u201d ~Ian Maclaren<\/strong><\/p>\n A friend recently recounted a tale about her mother that left a significant impression on me.<\/p>\n They regularly stroll around her mother\u2019s apartment complex, combining exercise with their daily routine. Her mother is not a fan of casual conversation, typically focusing her gaze ahead while passing others. One specific woman consistently greets with, \u201cHow are you?\u201d In previous instances, her mother would respond, but now she merely walks past.<\/p>\n My friend felt conflicted. She understood part of it but was also uneasy. She remarked, \u201cAt times, responding with \u2018I\u2019m fine\u2019 doesn\u2019t demand much. It\u2019s simply courteous.\u201d<\/p>\n Without much reflection, I replied, \u201cIt requires energy. And she\u2019s exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n Then it dawned on me that I wasn\u2019t truly discussing her mother. I was referring to myself. I was the one who felt drained.<\/p>\n As my friend elaborated, I realized how much I had imposed my experiences onto her narrative.<\/p>\n Sometimes, I avoid making eye contact with people while jogging\u2014not out of unfriendliness, but to maintain my focus inward and uninterrupted.<\/p>\n At times, I can be abrupt with customer service\u2014not because of their behavior, but due to my lack of energy for small talk. I prefer straightforwardness and to conclude matters swiftly.<\/p>\n And occasionally\u2014something many women in mid-life hesitate to acknowledge\u2014I\u2019m no longer inclined to freely expend my energy. Energy is a resource, much like money, and we frequently function at a deficit. There\u2019s little left to offer.<\/p>\n Energy is not infinite in any system\u2014biological or otherwise.<\/p>\n In physics, energy is preserved, necessitating mindful distribution in living systems. The nervous system depends on limited resources, and continuous emotional labor and vigilance deplete this finite supply. Extended exhaustion prompts the body to conserve without needing permission.<\/p>\n Social interactions, emotional processing, and reactivity are frequently diminished\u2014not as a moral decision, but a biological requirement. This conservation isn\u2019t selfish; it\u2019s about recognizing our limits.<\/p>\n Those who have experienced codependent caregiving learned early to anticipate and cater to others\u2019 needs. We say \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d even when we aren\u2019t, holding onto stability through pleasantness and attentiveness.<\/p>\n Years of overfunctioning mean that even minor interactions come at a cost. Making eye contact, adjusting tone, and being polite, while not inherently wrong, demand energy.<\/p>\n The body starts to make decisions before the mind comprehends. This is often mistaken for changes in personality, when in reality, it stems from exhaustion.<\/p>\n Here is a crucial distinction for habitual givers.<\/p>\n This is not about setting empowered boundaries. It\u2019s triage. Saying no\u2014emotionally or energetically\u2014isn\u2019t a choice, but rather a consequence that has caught up with the body.<\/p>\n If I don\u2019t preserve my energy, my health declines. My children, my work, and those closest to me suffer.<\/p>\n Research on burnout shows that chronic emotional labor leads to emotional withdrawal as a protective measure\u2014not from apathy, but from depleted systems (Maslach & Leiter, 2001).<\/p>\n If you\u2019re here feeling guilty, know that conserving energy isn\u2019t wrong. It\u2019s your heart and intuition signaling that protection is needed, even if your mind hasn\u2019t fully grasped it. Giving once represented safety and connection, so the reflex remains. However, you are making an effort to safeguard what little remains of yourself.<\/p>\n This is not coldness. It\u2019s an acknowledgment of your nervous system\u2019s limits.<\/p>\n \u201cShow kindness, for every person you encounter is facing a tough struggle.\u201d ~Ian Maclaren A friend recently recounted a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9665265,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"Default","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9665264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9665264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9665264"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9665264\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9665265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9665264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9665264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualjourneydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9665264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Identifying Myself in the Narrative<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Energy Is Not Boundless\u2014It Is Distributed<\/strong><\/h3>\n
When Refusing Is Not a Boundary\u2014It\u2019s Triage<\/strong><\/h3>\n
The Danger of Judgment<\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"