A Mindfulness Approach to Living
Our minds transcend the confines of our physical bodies and experiences. They encompass so much more.
I first came to this realization when I recognized that my mind could envision distant realms, like the cosmos, or bygone eras. Our minds are not confined to the present moment.
Then I understood that to genuinely experience life means to immerse oneself in the present, in the now. Otherwise, you risk bypassing your existence as it unfolds. This left me feeling a sense of absence, the vastness I once enjoyed during my mental explorations.
I began my meditation journey over thirty years ago, seeking to comprehend this mind of mine. I embarked on a profound exploration of space and consciousness, discovering the four immeasurable minds.
These minds originate from the Buddhist tradition and serve as a means to delve into the profound significance of love, leading me to an expansiveness that is far beyond what my imagination could grasp – all while remaining fully present. It introduced me to the idea of an immeasurable mind and enabled me to investigate my own through my mindfulness practice.
The first mind is Metta, or loving-kindness, a meditation I heavily relied on during my healing process from deep-seated childhood trauma, releasing the grip of the past. I had to practice Metta meditation countless times to overcome my fear of my parents before I could muster compassion for them. Unfortunately, the Buddha taught that we should think as our mother did, which was inappropriate in my case. My mother was a profoundly troubled individual whose actions caused harm, but she too had her reasons, suffered greatly, distanced herself from others, and was deeply unhappy. Lacking the capacity for self-reflection or emotional exploration, she blamed everyone else for her feelings in the moment. I utilized Metta to transform my fear into compassion for her suffering, thereby freeing myself from the immense burden I had carried, even after her passing. I extended the same process to my father.
Compassion represents the second immeasurable mind and can be most readily experienced when we relinquish our notions of self and victimhood. By developing compassion for ourselves, we can then extend it to others. I had long blamed myself for not being sufficient to prevent upsetting my mother and provoking my father’s anger and violence. I needed to unlearn that ingrained belief and acknowledge that the issue resided within my mother. I was simply the firstborn who bore the brunt of both parents’ frustrations.
As someone who is neurodivergent, I may be perceived as somewhat atypical, which my mother would not have found favorable. Highly intuitive and intelligent, I possess considerable insight but can express it bluntly. Perhaps I offered observations they would have deemed inappropriate from a child, challenging their authority. I was merely pointing out what seemed evident to me. Once I grasped all of this, I could feel profound compassion for both of them. They missed out on a wonderfully loving and humorous daughter by endeavoring to silence me and stifle my spirit.
Once I released all the self-loathing and ignorance, coupled with the negative energy they directed at me and which I had clung to tightly, I felt extraordinarily light, expansive, and encountered profound joy. This is the third immeasurable mind. I found joy in everything I faced. While I occasionally struggled with certain aspects, when I focused on my practice of joy and expansiveness, my feelings of discontent faded away, along with much of my physical discomfort and stress.
This release has left me in a balanced state. I still experience a range of emotions, but they no longer destabilize me, and I retain the lively spirit associated with my ADHD. I continue to wrestle with the narratives my mind constructs about why I should feel upset, and I still manage the remnants of PTSD. Though this latter can sometimes immobilize me emotionally and physically, it doesn’t confine me as it once did. Despite these obstacles, I usually maintain a sense of equanimity. This is the fourth immeasurable mind. Discovering emotional stability has revealed how beautiful life can be without tumultuous ups and downs. Since much of my time is spent in a state of profound joy, I genuinely cherish each moment of life and the process of aging. Now approaching seventy years, I feel grateful to have reached this point in my journey.
Thus, loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity are the four mental states to nurture. With these, I often sense myself bursting with exuberance for being alive, connected to everything, and part