“Genuine belonging doesn’t call for you to alter who you are; it calls for you to embrace who you are.” ~Brené Brown
In the past year, during a time of change in my life, I embraced a part-time position as a bridal stylist at a bridal boutique, realizing a subtle dream that had lingered for years. My admiration for the craftsmanship of wedding gowns, their structure, and the distinct intention and intricacy each one holds has always been present.
What genuinely caught me off guard, however, was not their aesthetic appeal but the invaluable lessons they imparted regarding confidence and authenticity in leadership.
In the fitting room, there’s a crucial moment with certain dresses. It’s not with every gown; most sessions are exploratory: trying out silhouettes, materials, and necklines.
Some dresses are blatantly unsuitable. Others are nearly right. A few are stunning but don’t quite connect.
Then occasionally, someone stands in front of the mirror, and the atmosphere changes. There’s a pause, their demeanor relaxes. They take a moment to gaze, without uttering a word.
It’s not about flawlessness or striking beauty. It’s more about recognition, as if something within them whispers, “There you are.”
I’ve come to understand how much of my existence has been influenced by seeking that feeling, extending beyond the confines of the dressing room.
Have you ever quietly pondered, “Am I someone who will be selected?”
Selected for the opportunity.
Selected for the leadership position.
Selected for the next level.
Selected for the decision-making space.
It’s a tacit question, lurking beneath ambition. And it can unknowingly shape us as we absorb it.
We observe what is rewarded. We take note of who ascends. We notice which personalities flourish. Gradually, we adapt.
We soften certain traits. Amplify others. Smooth our edges.
We attempt to mold ourselves to be chosen. I’ve done this countless times, stepping into environments and searching for signals: Who should I become here? What version of myself belongs?
From the outside, it may appear as adaptability. Sometimes it truly is. Growth, refinement, and effective communication are aspects of maturity.
But there’s a delicate boundary between growth and self-neglect. I wasn’t aware of how frequently I crossed it until I began working with wedding gowns.
During fittings, I often say to clients, “This room is filled with beautiful gowns. Very few won’t appear stunning. Many will look amazing on you. This isn’t merely about discovering a beautiful dress. It’s about finding the one that resonates with you.”
I’ve witnessed clients