“The most resilient individuals are those who remain kind, even after the world has shattered their spirits.” ~Raven Emotion
Several months ago, I made the tough decision to end my friendship with my childhood best mate, someone I had regarded as practically a brother.
It was a difficult choice, but it was necessary.
Throughout the last five years, my friend (let’s call him Andy) became progressively more disrespectful and oblivious to my emotions.
He would criticize me weekly for being optimistic and steadfast in the face of what he termed my “failures.”
Still, I attempted to be empathetic.
I recognized his anxiety about graduating two years behind his peers.
I was also aware of his feelings of inadequacy for not being as affluent and accomplished as others.
However, my tolerance diminished over time.
It is tough to keep showing warmth and understanding when someone not only overlooks your value but also ridicules you for being “naive.”
(He thought I was deluding myself about my lack of success—as if only anger and frustration were appropriate responses to setbacks.)
If you’ve consistently made an effort to be kind, you might have questioned, “What’s the point?”
Although we don’t look for rewards, enduring a lack of gratitude can be exhausting, transforming a simple “thank you” into something more significant than we wish it to be.
I almost surrendered my kindness because of Andy.
But fortunately, I didn’t, and in the months leading up to my decision, I discovered vital lessons about remaining kind, even when it appears futile.
I hope these reflections assist you in remaining authentic to yourself.
### 1. Don’t use kindness as a bargaining chip.
Just like excessive optimism can become unhealthy, kindness can be delivered in a harmful manner.
Here’s what I discovered.
During my teenage years, I was what some might label a “nice guy.”
Someone who takes pride in being nice but isn’t truly genuine.
Like many stereotypical “nice guys,” I perceived kindness as a transaction. (“I’m doing all this for them, so they *ought* to do the same for me” was a common refrain.)
I would be generous, but I constantly compared what others did for me with what I did for them.
Frustration grew if they didn’t reciprocate in a satisfactory manner.
Not my finest hour, but it illustrates how even kindness can be weaponized.
And it’s not only “nice guys” who engage in this behavior.
Numerous parents make the same error: attempting to guilt their children into thankfulness by spotlighting their sacrifices.
This typically leads to children feeling guilty and distrustful, pondering whether sacrifices were made out of love or selfish reasons.
When kindness is conditional, it becomes about fulfilling one’s desperate need for appreciation.
Naturally, this is unhealthy for everyone involved.
That’s why it’s crucial to…
### 2. View kindness as a reflection of who you are.
It’s easy to forget—especially when unappreciated—that kindness is essentially a representation of oneself.
You are kind because it is your true nature, not to earn the approval of others.
Looking back at my friendship with Andy, I’m disappointed by his attacks on my self-worth and dismissal of my emotions, yet I take pride in my resilience.
That’s the crux of it.
Being kind, even without acknowledgment, is a demonstration of self-respect.
It’s not about seeking validation.
It’s about remaining loyal to who you are, regardless of how ungrateful someone might be.
### 3. Remember you have the option to withdraw your kindness.
Kind individuals often struggle with this concept.
We worry that halting our generous actions indicates a loss of our goodness.
This fear kept me connected to Andy longer than necessary: I didn’t want to be told I wasn’t genuinely kind.
I continued to act generously despite his hurtful behavior.
For *years*, I took on various chores typically shared among roommates.
I aimed to give him the room to focus on his studies (even though I had my own).
I ignored the signals that he had no intention of treating me better.
Years earlier, he’d articulated that my efforts didn’t necessitate reciprocation.
Yet, I tolerated the disrespect, persisting in my kindness. Because kindness isn’t conditional, right? It’s a part of who you are, right?
But here’s my