“Keep in mind, you have been condemning yourself for a long time, and it hasn’t proven effective. Attempt to embrace yourself and observe the outcome.” ~Louise L. Hay
A mistake caught my eye from the back of a brochure I approved, sparking self-condemnation. My stomach twisted, tears began to form.
“You fool,” resounded in my head.
I remembered similar mistakes from my communication years, and self-hatred clouded my thoughts. I exaggerated, “If only” … “You should know better.”
I was excessively critical of myself. Infrequent mistakes felt weighty, exposing my tendency to prioritize deadlines over quality.
When will I get it right? echoed internally.
That mistake haunted me, tainting my perspective for days.
My inner critic surfaced in my personal life as well. During a disagreement with my partner, I argued vehemently, fully aware I wasn’t completely correct. I became obstinate, valuing being right over fairness and character.
Even after the discussion concluded, my obstinacy remained. I berated myself: Why couldn’t you just admit your mistake?
On one occasion, after responding sharply to someone who irritated me, I rationalized my reaction, only to feel small afterward, replaying the incident in my mind repeatedly.
The annoyance faded, but my self-criticism emerged, solidifying my perceived flaws.
During dinner, my normally trusting but sometimes misguided friend appeared unusually silent. She shared a story about being scammed, feeling naive.
I comforted her, which led me to a self-reflective query:
Why don’t I show myself the same kindness I extend to others?
Perhaps you have supported friends through their challenges yet become harsh on yourself concerning mistakes or unmet ambitions.
This disconnect has many origins:
You Were Criticized As a Child
Early admonishments embed within, connecting love with performance.
You Are a Perfectionist
Perfectionism increases awareness of flaws, hiding fear behind motivation.
You Grew Up with Elevated Expectations
Such expectations suggest ongoing inadequacy unless success is achieved.
You Faced Abuse