“Being a person who seeks approval may extend beyond a mere character trait; it might stem from profound trauma.” ~Alex Bachert
Raised in a setting that deeply esteemed commendable behavior, I became the ideal, well-mannered child—quiet and never causing discord. Even though I was lively as a young child, I conformed to meet expectations, placing others’ needs ahead of mine to feel secure. In adulthood, this demeanor continued, rendering me overly sensitive to anger from figures of authority. I toiled excessively to evade criticism while others brushed it off easily. It took time to understand that this anxiety about losing emotional safety resulted in people-pleasing patterns.
Individuals who seek approval frequently feel accountable for the happiness of others, relegating their own needs to the background. This can foster feelings of bitterness and decreased well-being, engendering a sense of helplessness. Nevertheless, we are not required to oversee the emotions of others. Regaining your strength entails establishing boundaries, advocating for yourself, and prioritizing your needs without guilt.
People-seeking approval represents a learned survival strategy that our subconscious mind instinctively triggers. Habits develop through repeated neural connections, resulting in “brain ruts.” These familiar pathways might appear secure yet obstruct authentic self-expression. Envisioning a life devoid of people-pleasing can create fresh, healthier routes.
To surmount this, imagining a self that is confident and unreserved while in a state of relaxation can rewire your brain with new neural connections. Begin by picturing precise alterations and actions you would implement when unencumbered by the need to please others. Although this requires consistent practice, it can naturally enhance your confidence and courage.
Krissy Loveman, a life coach informed by neuroscience, advocates for blending conscious and subconscious mind activities to achieve meaningful transformation. Explore her complimentary toolkit to initiate your journey of inner work.
Engage in the conversation! Share your thoughts on the site.