“Our bodies convey messages to us in a clear and detailed manner, provided we are open to hearing.” ~Shakti Gawain
During my formative years, I didn’t learn how to cope with my emotions. Rather, I suppressed them—pushing through stress, stifling tears, and even concealing injuries due to the fear that they would evoke anger instead of concern.
As I entered my teenage years, I turned to substances like drugs and alcohol to dull my feelings, finding it more manageable than confronting the heavy emotions I couldn’t face.
This resulted in a long-term addiction that lasted for a decade until I reached my lowest point and sought assistance. With family distanced from me, resorting to sex work for income, and living out of my car, I understood that I had to face my emotions and trauma to progress.
Achieving sobriety revived my emotions but with heightened intensity, compounded by years of negative decisions and unresolved trauma from my childhood. The anxiety, shame, and guilt regarding the harm I inflicted on my body and the choices I made became overwhelming.
This emotional turmoil was accompanied by various health issues, including severe PMS and gastrointestinal problems.
Feeling as if I had lost control, I consulted many physicians yet received no real answers—only medication aimed at managing symptoms. Having just ceased substance use, I was hesitant to depend on medications again, even those prescribed by professionals.
At first, I perceived my physical and emotional struggles as distinct. But when doctors offered little relief, I started investigating and trying out alternative methods of healing, determined to avoid a return to street life and heroin dependency.
I soon recognized the connection between my body and emotions. Ignoring my feelings kept my nervous system in a constant state of alertness, my hormones unstable, and my gut unruly. My body was sending clear signals, and I had yet to learn how to heed them.
Healing did not start with a supplement, therapist, or a new dietary regimen, but rather by confronting the emotions I had been evading for years.
Allowing myself to genuinely experience anger, sadness, and shame released years of bottled-up tension. During a yoga class focused on hip openers, I broke down, finally feeling secure enough to let out suppressed emotions.
As I faced my feelings about abuse, survival choices such as sex work, and the consequences of my actions—like stealing from family—I began to comprehend the links between early abuse and persistent behaviors of self-harm.
My hormones didn’t balance out overnight, nor did my gut calm down immediately, but I ceased battling with myself and started listening.
I discovered that my physical ailments were tied to my emotional well-being. Headaches, sleepless nights, and mood fluctuations were messages from my body, escalating every time I repressed my feelings.
Gradually, I permitted myself to cry without feeling shame and to decline engagements and individuals that drained my energy. I realized that my marketing venture, while prosperous, didn’t resonate with my authentic self, leading me to establish boundaries and dismiss what felt incongruous despite others’ expectations.
I also commenced journaling to unpack deep-rooted emotions from my childhood—feelings of being insufficient, different, and the need to hide my true self to fit in.
Though initially frightening, this openness allowed my body to unwind. Mood swings began to stabilize, my gut started to heal, and I ultimately