“It’s okay if you can’t recall. Our subconscious is remarkably nimble. At times, it knows when to remove us, serving as a protective measure.” ~Kathleen Glasgow
A few weeks back, I found myself crying in the park on what seemed like an ordinary summer day. I was out for a stroll with my dog, Boni, savoring the sunlight and the shade from the trees.
Laughter filled the air from children whose joy was contagious. Two young girls were gleefully squealing, adorned in Hawaiian skirts and leis.
Close by, a perfect birthday celebration was in full swing: tables laden with food and drinks, balloons everywhere, adults mingling, and children playing all around.
The lively atmosphere made me happy for the birthday girl, leading me to ponder, “What were my birthday celebrations like?”
I found myself at a loss.
I came to the realization that I couldn’t reminisce about my birthday celebrations from a certain age onwards. It felt like running into a barrier. Tears started to flow as I repeated to myself, “I can’t remember!” overwhelmed by sadness and frustration.
Boni guided me as I tried to sift through my thoughts. “You can do this, Erika, keep going!” But I was unable. My last recollection of a birthday gathering was prior to the abuse. After that, there was nothing. I’m certain parties took place, but was there joy? I can’t say.
The concern isn’t about the parties themselves; there likely were celebrations. The true sorrow was the realization that little Erika was so deeply wounded that she couldn’t recall these cherished events.
If you’ve experienced trauma, you might resonate with this and think, “How can we manage this?” It’s heart-wrenching to miss out on memories and discussions when your upbringing wasn’t “typical” or is lost to time.
Yet, even in despair, there is hope. You can discover serenity, which I realized that day through five steps I learned on my healing path to confront emotions and reclaim my equilibrium.
These steps can be beneficial whenever a memory—or the absence of one—triggers you.
1. Recognize the pain.
Pain needs to be acknowledged and recognized. Ignoring it leads to anxiety and numbness. Now, I embrace pain and tears since they signify the release of pent-up emotions.
I started by validating my pain, talking to little Erika: “I see your feelings. It hurts; you didn’t deserve it. Embrace your emotions. I’m here for you.” I allowed myself to mourn.
Although it felt odd in the park, being surrounded by nature aided my emotional processing. The setting is crucial when navigating breakdowns.
2. Comfort and stabilize.
Once I acknowledged my emotions, I aimed to ground myself, recognizing that remaining in that emotional state for an extended period isn’t beneficial.
I practiced deep breathing, caressed my arms, rubbed my palms together, and took quiet walks. The feelings lingered but began to lessen, and the panic faded.