“We do not receive the earth from our predecessors; we take it on loan from our offspring.” ~Native American Proverb
For a long time, I blamed my parents for my anxiety, defensiveness, and need to be right. Eventually, I understood they inherited these same behaviors from their parents, and those from previous generations.
This discussion isn’t about placing blame but rather about ending a cycle that was never purposely started.
The Stutter That Taught Me Everything
In my teenage years, I developed a stutter—beyond mere hesitation; it was debilitating anxiety regarding speaking.
Reading aloud terrified me. Every chat felt like traversing a minefield. The fear of stuttering exacerbated the situation—a destructive loop.
While studying psychology in college, I had an epiphany. My stuttering stemmed from anxiety about it.
By mastering relaxation, deep breathing, and letting go of error anticipation, my stutter vanished. Years later, I presented business proposals flawlessly.
I thought pure determination and technique had defeated a flaw. I was wrong.
The Discovery That Changed Everything
In college, I discovered my father’s history. As a child, he had a lisp.
His father—my grandfather—found it entertaining. He had my dad recite tongue-twisters for amusement, emphasizing his speech difficulties.
This ridicule fueled anxiety, which I absorbed.
Though I struggled with a stutter rather than a lisp, the core issue was identical: fear of speaking, fear of criticism, and the anxiety of being listened to.
The medical field posits that stuttering may be hereditary, yet no specific gene has been identified. My legacy wasn’t in genes but acquired behavior.
My father’s fear about speaking became my own. Not through genetics, but through watching and mimicking.
This realization bridged the gap between us, and we collaborated in the family enterprise after my studies.
Understanding this generational dynamic nurtured empathy between us before his passing.
We Learn Who We Are from Birth
We begin absorbing emotional reactions from the moment we’re born. Our caregivers are our original educators—not by choice, but by presence.
We scrutinize how they handle stress. Whether they openly express feelings or keep them hidden. Their responses to criticism, setbacks, and disputes.”
These teachings are not deliberate. Nobody actively instructs anxiety. We pick up patterns similarly to how we acquire language: through immersion.
Attachment theory indicates that early relationships shape lifelong connections. If caregivers were emotionally distant, we learned