“The most important thing in the world is to understand how to be true to oneself.” ~Michel de Montaigne
Some individuals are afraid of spiders. Others dread speaking in public.
What do I fear the most? That my only companion will be my own reflection.
An increasing number of individuals find themselves single—not stemming from a joyful decision, but rather from a quiet acceptance of their status. The notion of being alone forever is a prevalent fear, though seldom addressed.
I admire men and still aspire to find a conscious partnership or marriage someday. However, I seek to bring attention to the reality of being single, which is frequently stigmatized, underrepresented, and ignored.
People of all varieties fear being single. I feel it as a woman, but this fear goes beyond gender and is profoundly cultural.
Neither a Witch, Nor a Spinster, Nor a Divorcee
The stigma surrounding singlehood is long-lasting and deceptive. It persuades individuals to remain in relationships that no longer serve them. It implies one is incomplete without a partner, and there is a scarcity of role models for those content with being single.
I am not a witch. I am not a spinster. I have not experienced divorce.
When I applied for a work visa overseas, the application inquired about my relationship status with options: Married. Divorced. Spinster. I had to select “spinster,” which was humorous yet revealing—if you are unaccompanied, it’s problematic to classify.
It’s in Our DNA
Historically, women’s survival relied on men—both financially and socially. This reliance has influenced cultural messages embedded in all of us, teaching that completeness comes from others.
For those who have been single for an extended period, there exists a distinct sorrow not for what was lost, but for what remains unexperienced. We grieve for the intimacy that was anticipated but never realized. It focuses less on what is missing and more on a lingering feeling—the gap between the narratives we are fed and our lived truths.
While pop culture may have fueled this fixation on relationships, the origins are ancient. This has driven many to search for “another” before discovering themselves.
Currently, the dating industry exploits this long-standing conditioning for significant profit.
It manifests when a friend, recently out of a long-term relationship, asks, “What if I never meet someone again?” as if being single is the gravest misfortune.
Heritage, Good Girl, and the Seventh-Grade Oracle
Although we might no longer require a partner for financial security, inside us lies a collection of characters unaware of this transformation.
I identify them as:
- The one encumbered by heritage, holding the belief that self-worth is validated by being chosen.
- The good girl, concerned about familial expectations and reassured by the notion that “you’ll encounter someone”