What does that mean, how does it manifest?
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People have told me that I am a strong individual for most of my life, especially astrologers and mystics. They see something in me that I didn’t see in myself until I stopped and thought about what strong means.
We often do not recognise our own strength because from the inside we mostly feel our vulnerability. And we class that as a weakness. We see our fear and our struggles, our failings. In many societies, we are made to feel these are all evidence of our low worth, especially in societies where external factors are signs of our value, like money, status, power, material possessions, and social standing. These are a sign of our courage and strength. OR if not these then great athletic feats and challenges.
Whilst all these images of strength might be visible they are based on a misconception of what strength really is.
Sometimes strength isn’t obvious. In fact, it can be hidden entirely from view, but it is still there. It manifests in many forms.
Tarot
One of my favourite cards in the Tarot is strength in the major arcana. It is either number 11 or number 8, depending on which deck you are using. the keywords are inner strength, patience, gentle force, wisdom, self-discipline, the ability to overcome difficulties, and probably my favourite non-violence. It also talks about energy, self-reliance, diplomacy and tact, and endurance.
Overlooked qualities
These are qualities often overlooked, but a now-deceased uncle of mine shocked me once when he said how much he admired me for being knocked down in life and then rebuilding a new and often far better life for myself in its place. That was one of the first times I was able to see my life not as a series of disasters but as a path of growth, change, and development.
Keeping going, Courage
There were days when I felt utterly exhausted with life and the challenges it threw at me, especially my childhood and family dynamics, and I wanted to give up completely. Sometimes being strong is exactly this getting up and keeping going. Taking the next step and finding things lighting your way ahead in small increments, but slowly and surely you are out of the mire and into the sunshine again. Courage is not being unafraid but being afraid and going ahead anyway, not recklessly but consciously, not giving into our inner voices of self-doubt and fear. It takes courage to face each day when you are feeling as if you could cave in at any moment. It would be much easier to sink into self-pity and just stop living, stop taking responsibility. better to just take it one very small step at a time. There were stages in my life when my sense of imposter syndrome was utterly overwhelming, no matter what the evidence to the contrary. But I knew if I stopped I would never get started again so I just did it one hour at a time. It came out ok. This was when I was teaching. Years later an ex-student highlighted me as the teacher who had been a light in the darkness for her and helped her turn her life around for herself. You never know so be your best self and don’t stop. Little did that student know how low my sense of self-worth was, and perhaps it was from there that I was able to encourage others to keep going too.
Vulnerability
Sometimes it is allowing yourself to be vulnerable, acknowledging you may need help. I was extremely bad at this, not feeling able to trust anyone. Admitting I was collapsing inside was putting myself in serious harm’s way, because there was nothing my mother liked more than to pile in on top of someone who was struggling. Her sense of self-worth came only from putting other people down. But when I did have my breakdown I was utterly unable to do anything but turn to my husband and allow him to take care of me. I was totally vulnerable, and still am in many ways. Complex trauma and PTSD don’t ever go completely, there are little switches in the brain that get flicked occasionally and for a few moments, you are back in it, though perhaps not as deeply, and it is increasingly easier to get out again.
Saying No — Establishing Boundaries
Sometimes it takes great courage to just say no, especially if it is someone who is putting pressure on you to continue with something you might be overwhelmed by. Knowing your limits is crucial to being strong. It comes with a general self-knowledge which allows you to stand your ground against those who think bullying is a show of strength. This is where my mindfulness practice comes in most effectively. Through deep reflection and mindfulness philosophy and psychology, I and many others have been able to look deeply into ourselves and transform suffering into growth and self-awareness. Emotions like anger can be transformed into positive action rather than a festering mound inside us, waiting to erupt at any time. This gives us the freedom to be more authentic, more true to ourselves. And that is a great strength that most people do not have at their disposal.
Self-care
Stopping and giving yourself a catch-up break, to allow yourself time to self-repair even. Many people feel driven to keep going that to somehow want to take time out is not acceptable, is a sign of weakness. When our cars run out of fuel do we kick them and tell them how worthless they are or do we refill them with fuel and then allow them to carry on? Humans are no different. We need time to rest and recuperate. It is even shown that allowing people a nap during the day at work means they are more effective for more of the day. This is why we need boundaries, to say no I need time out. We have a very unstable individual in our family who we give a lot of time, but we have strict boundaries. If they want to stay with us we limit it to a couple of days and nights unless absolutely necessary for longer. We give as much as we can on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis, because we know that if we overrun our own resilience we will have nothing left for the time it is most needed. It is like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first in the event of a plane crash, then helping those around you. We are no good to this individual if we are exhausted by smaller efforts.
Knowing your own truth
Sometimes being strong means saying ‘no’ to other people’s judgments and criticisms. It means knowing that what others say about you is more about them and their limited perceptions or understandings rather than about who you are or what you do in life. If you know yourself, then you know that other people don’t have the whole story, and thus their opinion is worthless. I have a few good people in my life whose opinions I truly value because they know me inside and out, and I know them similarly. Our relationships are based on trust, honesty, and openness. I can and do welcome any observations they make about me, including negative ones, because I know they are not telling me to be unkind or out of judgment but because they want me to be a better version of who I am and, none of us are perfect. If all relationships were based on this premise life would be very different, and having been brought up in a family where faults were opportunities for derision and humiliation, where being wrong was seen as a heinous crime, I fully appreciate this difference.
Conclusions.
If we can start to view ourselves and others through this different kind of lens, one based on mindfulness and compassion, how different might this world become? Strength in ourselves should enhance the world for others too, if not it is weakness masquerading as strength. It is cowardice, using force to conceal itself. True strength is gentle, kind and forgiving, yielding when necessary, and always carrying on regardless, in whatever capacity that is relevant. True strength is mostly invisible, but you can feel it is there.
7 min read2 days ago
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