Letting go is the process of releasing our feelings. It occurs naturally when we simply observe our feelings without resisting them.
However, many of us have built a habit of disallowing this process to occur. We’ve trained ourselves to interfere with our feelings.
What we normally do with our negative or uncomfortable emotions is suppress them.
We either:
- Repress them: We push our feelings down to the unconscious level.
- Express them: We vent our emotions. We go on a rant. We yell at someone.
- Project them: We judge others. We criticize. We condemn.
- Escape them: We push our emotions away by distracting ourselves with some thing or activity.
It’s our fear of painful feelings that causes us to do this. We are afraid to face them.
When a painful emotion comes up, we fear the experience of feeling it. If the emotion is particularly strong, it may feel like it’s too much to handle. So we resist our feelings.
We worry that if we don’t resist the uncomfortable feeling, it will overwhelm us.
On the contrary, if we don’t resist it, it will pass.
It is important to remember that a feeling, no matter how painful, can’t actually hurt you.
You are safe to feel what you feel. You don’t have to resist it. You don’t have to push it away.
If you allow yourself to feel what you feel, without trying to push it away, it will pass. If you try to push it down or away, the feeling will stay stuck.
Everything that you suppress, remains inside you. A suppressed feeling will keep resurfacing. It wants to be released but you won’t let it because you are afraid of it.
How do you let go?
Letting go is the natural process of allowing our feelings to pass through us. We let go of feelings by not resisting them.
Don’t try to let go of the feeling. Let go of your internal resistance to it. Just don’t push against it.
This is done by relaxing in the face of it.
When we feel a negative or uncomfortable feeling, our tendency is to want to do something about it.
We want to do something to make ourselves feel better. And by interfering, we end up suppressing with one of the ways mentioned above.
Instead, don’t do anything to the feeling. Just let it be. Relax and allow it to feel the way it does. It will pass on its own. You don’t have to do anything.
The world doesn’t have to stop. You can continue performing the actions that you’re involved in.
If you’re working on something and a painful memory comes up, keep working. If you’re talking to someone and their words trigger a negative feeling inside you, continue your conversation.
Just don’t do anything internally.
Let yourself feel the way you feel and don’t resist it. Don’t judge it. Don’t decide that you’re not supposed to feel this way. Instead, relax.
Just sit with and observe the feeling. Allow it to feel as it does. It can’t hurt you. You will notice that it begins to change. You’ll notice it lessen.
You may see it morph into a different feeling. Anger might turn into sadness, guilt into grief. Just remain with it and allow it to go through its changes.
Eventually, it will run itself out.
Letting go is a natural process that occurs on its own when we let it.
Don’t try to push your feelings down or away.
When you feel an uncomfortable feeling come up, don’t touch it. Don’t try to do anything about it.
Just let it be there. Allow it. Observe it.
If you simply keep watching it, you will feel it passing.
How long does it take?
It can take a few moments. It can take hours. It can even take days.
Let it take all the time it needs.
Either way, it’s passing. You are letting it go by not resisting it.
And as it goes, you’ll discover that the energy that was being used to keep the feeling suppressed, will now flow upward into your creative expression.
As you keep letting go, you’ll feel lighter and lighter.
Letting go is a very simple technique that can be integrated into daily life.
As you move about the world, keep letting go. No matter what you’re doing, observe your feelings, and let them go. Don’t resist them.
Do the things life puts in front of you. But inside, keep allowing your feelings to flow.
It’s important to understand that this is a practice. You may find it difficult in the beginning. Just do it to the best of your ability.
When an embarrassing feeling comes up, relax. When an anxious feeling comes up, relax. When an angry feeling comes up, relax.
Always relax and let the feeling pass. If you don’t interfere, it will.
As you begin to practice letting go, you’ll realize just how much you are holding on and resisting.
We’ve built up a habit of resisting everything. We always want to feel in control. And we think resisting is controlling.
It’s not. It’s just unnecessary strain. And the more we resist, the more we feel out of control.
So don’t resist your negative feelings. Open up to them and let them pass.
Remember, a feeling can’t hurt you. If you just allow it to be, it will release on its own. And once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.
This process is explored in depth in the book Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender, by Dr. David R. Hawkins. It served as the inspiration for this article.