What are we looking for?

I often wonder what it is that people are looking for when they say they are looking for spiritual awakening. Some invoke Nirvana as their stated goal, although if one asks what that implies, they have no definitive answer. However, the way they see this happening is finding someone to guide them in the right direction, perhaps a guru who just by following them will change their lives for the better. There are plenty of contenders out there.

Guru’s have never been in short supply, nor have people willing to follow them. I don’t want to be dismissive of the power of belief, which is often impressive, but rather like the placebo effects of sugar pills sometimes the effects offer no more than a temporary solution.

My main problem with Guru’s is that their charisma is often more powerful than the outcome of their teachings. Take away the Guru and there is not much left. Nowadays we can see this played out in the role influencers are having on society, many of them suggesting they have the answers others do not. Where did they find these answers?

Why am I making this point? Because the truth is no one else can solve your problems for you. A good and sincere teacher can show you how to practice, and how to find peace, but order to achieve any change in your life you must first to be open to change, to look at your current behaviours, to be honest, and to learn humility. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It is, but it is also incredibly taxing to begin with and dare I say it confusing. Let’s look at these one by one.

Willingness to change. That’s straightforward, isn’t it? You just have to say, ‘I am going to change’. Well, that is a start, but words are not the same as actions. I could say, ‘I am going down the Gym every day this year’ or taking it to extremes. ‘I am going to row the Atlantic’, and these mean just as much as ‘I am going to change’ if I never put any effort into actually achieving any of them. What is clear to me from teaching over the years is that often a crisis has to occur in a person’s life in order for them to genuinely wish to change. Something happens that stops them in their tracks and says, ‘this time you have got to do something about your life.’

Looking at one’s current behaviour is an interesting one because more often than not we do not know how we are actually behaving. For example, you might hear someone say ‘why do I always end up with the wrong partner’ or ‘why can’t I ever sort my life out?’. I could write a whole book about the subject but essentially it is down to the fact that unless someone tells us how we are behaving, or we really manage to focus on ourselves, our motivation, our paradigms, etc., then we will never know. Mindfulness helps us to practice listening to our true feelings and recognising our behaviours.

Honesty is essential to the process of our development. If you are untrue to yourself then you will never progress. How can you? Self deception is one of those interesting habits that are hard to unpick and this is one of the reasons having a teacher of one kind or another is advisable. Someone who can say ‘are you sure that’s how you are, are you certain what you are saying is right?’ Coming back to the guru situation this is where you need to be careful. Someone who is manipulative will use this for their own ends, so be careful, choose wisely.

Finally, humility. Perhaps one of the hardest to master, and the reason why a lot of successful spiritual advances are made when individuals are at their lowest ebb. They have reached a point where they are humbled by their situation in life. What is there to lose in looking at some other way of living?

I wouldn’t suggest it is the only way by any means, or that it is at all pleasant, but developing humility is an ongoing practice. To learn that one may not always be right, to understand that there is no shame in saying I need to change, to admit that maybe some of the things you have done in the past, the way you have behaved was not skilful is key to the process of change. When one does this, it is important not to judge oneself. It is not an exercise in self-abuse. Be kind and give yourself credit for accepting who you are without judgement.

So back to the title ‘What are we looking for?’ I guess most people would say calm or equanimity, some form of peace within oneself. Socrates said ‘the unexamined life is not worth living’ and I believe he meant that unless you look at yourself and at your life then you miss so much that is important. Don’t live on automatic pilot, begin to examine your life and you may find life changes for the better.