The fourth paramita
Diligence, or the energy behind diligence — is to keep to your commitment to live well, according to the spiritual principles, and to look deeply into yourself at all times. That requires real commitment. Behind that effort and energy for me is the knowledge, from experience, that all that effort and diligence is more than worth it.
Diligence is in the middle to remind us to keep working on the three paramitas we have just explored and to keep it up for the final two. You can find more here, and here.
With diligence, we are working to stay on top of all our negative seeds and to nurture our positive ones. We are the gardeners of our own lives. But that alone is still not enough. It is very easy to slip into spiritual bypassing, where we use spiritual practices to cover up and suppress our darker stuff, to cover up the more challenging, vulnerable and humbling issues beneath the surface. I know many people who mean well and try to do good things but their energy belies their real spiritual progress. Being an empath, I can usually feel their anger and fear, their dark energy beneath the surface. It is very uncomfortable for me to know this and not be able to say anything. I want to help and advise but must not unless asked.
I view these challenges as an opportunity to practice Metta or loving kindness — for seeing that of God/ Buddha/ goodness in everyone, even if it is shrouded in a vast hooded cloak of dark energy. So my practice, my diligence in these situations, is to practice Metta, even though I simply want to be away from this darkness because it reminds me of my parents and childhood too much.
I achieved this deep dive partly because I was so determined to heal from a traumatic childhood and subsequent emotional scarring and self-harm, I took it very seriously. But some traumas were so deeply locked down from very early on in life that it took a massive breakdown to finally purge them from my system. Until we are emptied of this darkness we cannot truly live in the light or be free from the influences of the darkness. This is the diligence of the deep dives into the core of ourselves. The motivation of how we behave comes from somewhere, and we need to know where that is, and why that is, in order to take full responsibility for it back into our own management as head-gardener. We cannot afford to leave any weed seeds or old dark roots in our ground, that might sprout more anger or fear. We want no regrowth possible. I am like this with the deep-rooted pernicious weeds in my own garden. There is no point chopping them off at the top, they simply regrow. There is no point in mulching them over, they simply push through as soon as the conditions are right.
Another way that I protect myself from being at all lazy, or falling or slipping backwards is to remember how that used to feel, to be back there. I usually shudder and need no more convincing than that.
I don’t work from faith beyond the faith and trust I have for the journey that got me here. I wouldn’t wish my journey on anyone else but I am grateful for it for myself. Everyone has a story (you can read mine here) of how they came to be who they are now and how that can evolve. Nothing is permanent but effort is needed to enable it to shift more quickly. It is usually less painful if you do it willingly too.
Because of my ADHD, I find sitting practice more challenging, but I still do it a few times a week, usually within some kind of structure set up, like my Quaker meetings and sangha, but I do stay very present moment as far as I’m able to for now, and that is progressing. It is just the effort needed to be happy, to stay present and positive, to remain optimistic and to see the truth of impermanence, emptiness and oneness in all things.